Friday, 30 March 2012

1262, beginning of the magic?

It's really not easy writing a blog post after you've been away for a long time, so I thought I'd go with a title which refers to my entry number for a 10km walking event that I'm doing on Sunday.  More on that later, but first...

If I'm totally honest, 2011 wasn't a particularly good year and I did totally hibernate from blogland as a result.  It was the year of the house.  The year that things were meant to be full of huge life changing moments, but I spent the year feeling like I was on the fringe of the magic.  I felt that the house belonged to J and his heavily (well meaning but) imposing family.  It was pretty ugly at points, mine and J's relationship totally took a battering while he only could think of the house and what was his next project in the house.  I was wondering if really I'd done the right thing buying a house in France, kinda meaning that I was planning on staying, which has always been a difficult subject for me.  Although I'm living here, PACSed to my Frenchie, have a full time job, the idea of actually staying here forever...well, I'm not at all ready for such commitment!! 

Things improved greatly when my parents came to visit us here in France for the very first time at the end of the year.  Before we didn't have enough space for them to stay, but with the house it became possible!.  It was wonderful coming home to the house for the first ever in France where someone was waiting for me (I did take some holiday, don't think I was that mean!!)  They helped a huge amount sorting our garden out and at long last my Mum felt like she was helping me out.  Mum is racked with guilt by the fact she can't help me out as much as she wants (ok, moving on before the tears pop out of the corners of my eyes...)

Anyway, this was a turning point for Emmy.  I realised that the situation and how I felt about it wasn't going to change unless I did something about it.  I've finally realised that I've made too many excuses and played the 'if only I did/had/ xyz, my life would be better' game for far too long.  I need to be happy with what I have and not think about the things I don't.  I really have a lot going for me, I just am my own worst enemy!  Convincing yourself is the hardest thing to do!

I've made a plan.  2012 is going to be MY year.  The year where I do things for me and shit, because I'm blogging about it, I'm going to have to stick to it (although, if I fall of the wagon, you'll be there to stick me right back on it right?!).  I want to do new things, push my limits and do more of the things that I love.

There are already a number of things I've put into action on my 2012 plan, but for now I'll just start with the 10k walk.  When I was at uni, my friends would tell you that I was a nightmare when it came to walking.  I was a moaner, wanting always to get the bus, or be carried (!!) home from a night out (ok, alcohol probably made it sound like a reasonable suggestion at the time!) but now I quite like walking!  I don't drive so I'm used to walking everywhere as much as I can.  So, I've decided to push myself and see how it goes.   I am doing the 10k with a friend so the nattering should make the time pass by.  As they say, the magic happens when you leap out of your comfort zone.  I'm aiming for the magic this year...but let's start with baby steps.


Crystal said...

holy sh*t! A blog post from you??? Welcome back copine!

I think we all have that kind of year where everything seems to come to a head, and we are happy to see it come to an end. I think 2012 will be OUR year - big changes for us both, and a new, positive outlook on life in France. I'll be here rooting you on, if you do the same for me :)

One of your new objectives should definitely be posting on your blog more regularly ;)

Leah said...

2011 was a piece of merde kind of year for me too so 2012 is totally my year as well. I'm trying to get a few things sorted slowly but surely, fingers crossed. I will be routing for you! :) You can do it!!!

philippa_moore said...

Yay! You're back!

I think 2011 was a strange year for lots of people; lots of highs but lots of lows too. Glad you got through it and are starting this year with a bang! Good luck on Sunday! xx

Amber said...

Love it! Let's get together soon, ok? I'll happily bring V over to Amiens if it means we can spend a day chit chatting :) I really hope to see you soon! xx

Astrid said...

Nice to catch up on your blog and life! COngrats on the house and on your projects. Sounds like great plan and I feel inspired, by the 10k race and not at least getting back into blogging. I miss it but it is hard to get the fingers tapping when so much have happened in the meantime :)

Well done you!!

Miss Misfit said...

2012 was definitely the year from hell for me - I moved here in Feb of last year after all. I totally understand what you mean when you say your relationship got tested and you panicked about the thought of living in France permanently. I've made it clear to my boyfriend that that is not an option but I often ask myself why I am so adamant that I will not stay. I've lived in Cananda, South Africa, Ireland, England and Zimbabwe before now but I have never felt so un-intune with a place. I really hope this year brings you everything you hope and that the new house makes you feel more settled and more at home.

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