Friday, 30 March 2012

1262, beginning of the magic?

It's really not easy writing a blog post after you've been away for a long time, so I thought I'd go with a title which refers to my entry number for a 10km walking event that I'm doing on Sunday.  More on that later, but first...

If I'm totally honest, 2011 wasn't a particularly good year and I did totally hibernate from blogland as a result.  It was the year of the house.  The year that things were meant to be full of huge life changing moments, but I spent the year feeling like I was on the fringe of the magic.  I felt that the house belonged to J and his heavily (well meaning but) imposing family.  It was pretty ugly at points, mine and J's relationship totally took a battering while he only could think of the house and what was his next project in the house.  I was wondering if really I'd done the right thing buying a house in France, kinda meaning that I was planning on staying, which has always been a difficult subject for me.  Although I'm living here, PACSed to my Frenchie, have a full time job, the idea of actually staying here forever...well, I'm not at all ready for such commitment!! 

Things improved greatly when my parents came to visit us here in France for the very first time at the end of the year.  Before we didn't have enough space for them to stay, but with the house it became possible!.  It was wonderful coming home to the house for the first ever in France where someone was waiting for me (I did take some holiday, don't think I was that mean!!)  They helped a huge amount sorting our garden out and at long last my Mum felt like she was helping me out.  Mum is racked with guilt by the fact she can't help me out as much as she wants (ok, moving on before the tears pop out of the corners of my eyes...)

Anyway, this was a turning point for Emmy.  I realised that the situation and how I felt about it wasn't going to change unless I did something about it.  I've finally realised that I've made too many excuses and played the 'if only I did/had/ xyz, my life would be better' game for far too long.  I need to be happy with what I have and not think about the things I don't.  I really have a lot going for me, I just am my own worst enemy!  Convincing yourself is the hardest thing to do!

I've made a plan.  2012 is going to be MY year.  The year where I do things for me and shit, because I'm blogging about it, I'm going to have to stick to it (although, if I fall of the wagon, you'll be there to stick me right back on it right?!).  I want to do new things, push my limits and do more of the things that I love.

There are already a number of things I've put into action on my 2012 plan, but for now I'll just start with the 10k walk.  When I was at uni, my friends would tell you that I was a nightmare when it came to walking.  I was a moaner, wanting always to get the bus, or be carried (!!) home from a night out (ok, alcohol probably made it sound like a reasonable suggestion at the time!) but now I quite like walking!  I don't drive so I'm used to walking everywhere as much as I can.  So, I've decided to push myself and see how it goes.   I am doing the 10k with a friend so the nattering should make the time pass by.  As they say, the magic happens when you leap out of your comfort zone.  I'm aiming for the magic this year...but let's start with baby steps.

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